Warning: I’m posting about my religion.

Sometimes at work, I say that I need to use my “mom voice” to get people to return a phone call or to send me the documents I need. I work with a number of younger people, and it frequently works. I’m not sure if that firmness of tone reminds them of their mother or possibly a demanding teacher, but I often get a return phone call or email within a surprisingly short period of time.

I use my real “mom voice” at home with my children. Maybe you’ve used something similar: the “I’m-not-putting-up-with-any-more-monkey-business,” “do-your-homework,” “clean-your-room,” “don’t-use-that-tone-of-voice-with-me” voice.

But I was thinking tonight, that’s not my real “mom voice,” because that’s not being a mom or a mother. That’s really my drill sergeant voice, and it’s not one I enjoy using.

I was at Mass tonight, a Mass celebrating the end of my soon-to-be-middle-school son’s summer camp. The middle schoolers met five times this summer to do service projects and then participate in fun activities, ranging from bowling to visiting a water park. Tonight, they celebrated with a picnic, a rousing game of hide and seek through the school (imagine seventy 11-14 year olds running through a large school, and you can imagine that it’s rousing), and Mass.

Today happens to be the feast of the dedication of the Basilica of St. Mary Major in Rome, an event that happened in 345 AD. I won’t go into the background of the feast, but the priest spoke about it in his homily. I admit that I was preoccupied with other concerns during much of Mass, although I was truly trying to put these worries and preoccupations at the feet of Jesus, because they are much too big for me.

After Communion, I looked across the chapel and saw the statue of Mary holding the baby Jesus, and I suddenly imagined Mary’s “mom voice” to Jesus. Mary, the mother of God, must have spoken with such a loving voice to her child. Granted, she probably didn’t have to tell him to do his homework or clean his room, and I can’t imagine Jesus using “that tone” with Mary and Joseph, although Luke 2:49 suggests that he may have talked back at least once…

Reflecting on Mary’s “mom voice” made me think of how I really speak when I’m being a mother. How I encourage and celebrate, how I dry tears or tell jokes to try to lift their spirits, how I have to find patience—somehow—and not turn into a drill sergeant, how I am sometimes so choked up with emotion that I can hardly speak at all and only whisper “thank you” or “I love you.” Those are the “tones” that I think of most of all as my mom voice—my mother voice. The voice that says, “You mean more to me than I can say.” I think that must have been the voice Mary used with Jesus.

I hope my children hear the love in that voice. I hope I remember to use that voice more than the drill sergeant one. I hope they remember that voice rather than the drill sergeant voice. I hope that when they become parents they choose to speak more often with love rather than impatience.

St. Mary, Mother of God, thank you for your voice of love, reminding me to speak with love to my children.